When the answer is no

I was supposed to go home to Indiana for this holiday weekend. It was going to be a surprise and I couldn't wait to see my neices and nephews dressed in red, white and blue and running in their big backyards with handfuls of sparklers. I have been dreaming and planning for over a month.


My ride texted me the night before we were supposed to leave saying that his car wouldn't start and that he would be in touch.


In my heart, I knew I had accidentally not invited God in on this endeavor. I even acknowledged this to Him a few days before and asked for His blessing and safety in spite of myself. The morning we were supposed to leave, I had not heard the diagnosis on the car, or any word from my friend, and I was beside myself with anxiety to get on the road. Not knowing if God was going to let me, I was begging Him (a little childishly, in retrospect) to speak to me, to guide my steps and give me a peace one way or the other.


He was silent ALL day and thwarted my attempts to find another way home (car rental, AMTRAK, flights). I finally asked my boss if I could go in for work after lunch because I couldn't sit around the house any longer with no answers. Later in the evening, after work, I found my Bible open on the kitchen table to James 4. It had blown open to that page, from a few pages later, where I had been reading in I Peter. I glanced at the page and my eyes landed on this verse, "Now listen you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this city or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money,' why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are mist that appears a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'"


Finally, the mechanic's diagnosis came, at 7pm (after an entire day of not hearing from my friend), the starter was broken--yes! a quick and simple fix--maybe we can leave in the morning? But upon further inspection, the breaklines were so corroded, they could have given out at any moment. A "deathtrap" is what the mechanic called it and said it was a blessing the starter went out when it did, just before a cross country road trip. The repair would take the weekend.


I was so disappointed, initially, especially since Scott had a planned hiking trip to New Hampshire, meaning that I would now be home ALONE for the long weekend and away from family on a holiday--two things I really dislike. But God quickly showed me He wanted to spend time with just me.

I had recently asked myself if, when I pray for something specific, and truly expect it to be granted, am I also OK if the answer to my specific prayer is NO?

Ok, God, I can handle no. Thank you for revealing yourself to me. Happy Fourth of July, everyone, wherever you are.