Rainy Days and Mondays

Its been raining all day. Never. letting. up. once. Rained thru the night. Rained all day yesterday too. And the day before. Never varying in tone, pitch, intensity, rhythm, angle. Monotonous. Relentless.

So starts week two with Scott gone down to the Cape. Its getting harder, having him gone, not easier. I wanted to cry like a baby when he left this morning. Its amazing how close we can get to someone else. I consider myself very independent, but I would never choose to live like this. God has reminded me that I am His Beloved and He has asked me to come away with Him during this time alone. After all, He has asked so many to walk this road alone. I am humbled to only have to do it for a short time. It doesn't help that I have little else going on. And most people do, I suppose.

These are the daffodils Scott bought me yesterday to smile at me this week while he is gone. They were closed when I got them and they opened over night. How precious. Tomorrow, I return to gardening, after four months of not working. I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it because its just not what I want to be doing (while I wait for my thesis performance in October). I have applied for several nanny positions and administrative temp positions. Hmmm. What to do with this feeling of unfulfillment? of treading water? I long to be used in a capacity where I am truly needed. In Captivating, Stasi Eldredge addresses how every woman has something essential to offer the world. This something comes through our passions and we will find that as we draw closer and closer to God, we will discover long-forsaken dreams. Frederick Buechner describes it as, "The place that God calls us is that place where the world's deep hunger and our deep desire meet."

I spent the day in thoughtful solitude and contemplation and God met me there in such a powerful way. I can't tell you all the things He is doing in my life, but I can tell you that when we don't know where God wants us we can still do these things:

• Live in the freedom of God's Love (this may sound cliche or simple, but it is not for me)
• Allure those in our lives to the heart of God
• Respond to the heart of God in worship (many schedule this as a daily and necessay routine)
• Put on the armor of God daily (Martin Luther once said, "I have so much to do today that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer")

Maybe I'm not the only one out there that doesn't yet know what to do with this gift: Life. But the journey is so inviting, isn't it? There is an amazing song that I am falling in love with by Kari Jobe, called My Beloved. You Tube her name and My Beloved and you will feel like the King of Creation is singing over you...

...Also, Happy Birthday John, my brother. I feel like God gave me a birthday today too...